


Worthless

by pbndgeli



Series: HS au [5]
Category: geliocs, neraphine
Genre: Angst, Drugs, Guns, Hospital, Memory Loss, Smoking, Violence, Weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:28:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6585097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pbndgeli/pseuds/pbndgeli





	Worthless

Worthless.

 

I just finished breathing in.  


I could almost see her. I was almost back home. I was almost happy.

I needed more of it. I needed more of it right now.

I turned around and started to head back to where they would be. This was probably a really bad idea. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I was still walking towards them.

They still sat at the same spot, smoking the same thing that could save me from this pain.

“Yo! Nick, you got the money?” they asked. I froze.

“What money?” I hesitantly replied.

“You know, the money for the stuff we gave you yesterday.” My eyes widened. “Don’t tell me you thought that was for free? Shit, Nicholas. You’re in trouble now unless you give us the money.”

I simply stared at them knowing I was in so much trouble.

“I don’t have the money,” I choked out.

“Will you have it for us tomorrow?” they asked. I slowly shook my head in response. “Then when the hell will you have it?”

My voice was like a whisper. “I don’t have money. . .”

One of the guys—I believe his name was Adrien—stood up and started to walk towards me. “When are you going to give us the money, Nick?” he sternly spat out.

“I don’t have money.”

He pulled out a gun.

I took a step back as he pointed it straight at my head.

“Nicholas. The money. Now.”

I could’ve given him something. I could’ve tried bargaining, but I panicked. I ran.

I was pretty quick, but not quick enough. As I turned on the corner, the sound of the gunshot rang through the alley and I felt the sting of the bullet graze my side. I was lucky enough not to get shot directly. I kept running, the wound in my side bleeding profusely.

My body shook as I tried to get as far as I could. I called 112, telling them where I was and before I could even tell them why I was wounded, my legs buckled and my head hit something as I fell, causing me to pass out.

 

I woke up again. I didn’t know how long I was out. I slowly opened my eyes and the bright light intensified the headache I was already having.

“He’s up,” I heard a soft voice say. I turned my head a bit and I saw a lady with short black hair, holding a clipboard. “I’m your nurse, Émilie.” Emilia. “How are you feeling?” she asked and I just closed my eyes again. “Not good, huh? I’ll let you get some more rest. If you need something, press this,” she pointed at a button right by my head, “and I’ll try to come as soon as I can, okay, Nicholas?” I just gave her a small nod. She nodded back to me as she walked out the room.

Who was Nicholas? Oh, wait, that’s me. What was I doing here? I tried to sit up, and the sharp pain in my lower abdomen answered my question. I decided to stay lying down to let myself relax more.

My head hurt more so I shut my eyes tight, hoping I could push all the pain out. I eventually fell back asleep.

I woke up again and reached for the button. Almost immediately, Émilie came into my room.

“What’s wrong? What can I do for you?”

“Could you get me water, please?” I answered, my throat burning.

She nodded and left. She came back with a glass and helped me gulp it down. “You know, you probably should take better care of your body.”

“But I don’t remember how I got this,” I said as I pointed to my bandaged wound.

“Oh, that seems like you might have been grazed by something, but you’ll be fine. But I’m more concerned of the general things, like your body is fairly dehydrated and you need more food. You also should get more sleep,” she suggested, as if I didn’t already know those things.

“I will,” I blatantly lied to her. I don’t know why I had to lie to her. Not like she would judge me as much if she knew the truth. She might’ve even been able to help me, but my head still can’t think straight.

“Alright, your insurance was able to pay for most of this, but you still have some to pay.”

I closed my eyes and nodded, knowing I’d have to work even harder.   
  
  
  
  
  


That’s why they all left you, Nicholas.

Idiotic.

You should’ve went with your parents, but no. You decided to be with a girl that was going to break up with you anyway.

Pitiful.

 

 

 

Seeing her face upset was painful, but what hurt more is that I couldn’t see her face at all anymore.

She’d wake up when I’m stuck in school, waiting for time just to tick by.  She’d be fast asleep when I would just wake up. She would be in school, while I struggle to keep myself alive. She’s hours behind. And I couldn’t stand that.

I tried to stay in contact with her, but it was hard. We only communicated through emails and messages every few days or so.

She wouldn’t let me hear her voice because she said that she hated her voice and calls were way too expensive. She didn’t Skype me either. She said that she hated how she looked on cameras and she didn’t have an account for it. There was barely any way of getting to her, and that hurt.

I don’t understand why she hates her voice so much. I don’t understand why she hates how she looks.

Because I’d go through hell just to hear her say something. Her voice would lift me up and as soon as I would hear it, I would know that everything would be better. I’d give up everything to see her again with my own eyes. Her smile and laugh would be the thing I treasure the most, but like I said, I can’t see that anymore.

I seriously don’t know what’s going in the world anymore. It felt like everything was going downhill and I couldn’t make it better no matter how hard I tried. I would fall and I can’t seem to get myself back up.

Why am I so weak?

Maybe because I left. I tried so hard to stay with her but I was dragged away so far that I couldn’t see her anymore. The first few weeks that I was gone were absolute hell for us I was doing my best to stay in contact—I really was—but timezones are a bitch. I got busier because of certain events and it barely gave me time to reply to her emails and messages.

Now that I’m trying to talk to her—sending tons of messages everyday—she ignores me. I haven’t heard from her for two weeks. I’d check my phone everyday if she ever replied, but it hurt to see nothing. But I can’t give up. Hearts were already broken, I don’t need promises to become the next.

I missed talking to her. I missed seeing her. I missed feeling her by my side. I missed her making me smile. Making me laugh. Lending books to each other. Her stealing my food. Introducing me to new stuff. Everything.

I am so fucking sorry, Bo. I couldn’t get to you, and I am so fucking sorry. Just come back, please.

________________________________________

  
It wasn’t until days later until I finally got a message back. I think that was the first time I genuinely smiled in a while. But what I didn’t know is that the conversation was going to go downhill. I tried to lift her up, but her words seemed so upset with me. She didn’t feel happy. She didn’t feel like the girl I fell in love with. We were done. For good. And I remember it hurt.


End file.
